Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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