Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
