are you still at the devil's house?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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