im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
