No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
