No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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