im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Panties = found
Randomize
