Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
