did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
