theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
