My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
