My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
