hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
