its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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