He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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