Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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