guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
