i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
