I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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