what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
