I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
