I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
