now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
