found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
