I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
