tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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