Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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