dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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