Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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