He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
