I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
