is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
