Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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