I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
