The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
