hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
