A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
