Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
