I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just pee around me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
