She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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