I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
