I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
