And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
