I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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