the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
