Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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