im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
