yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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