My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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