have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
