I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
