Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
